NVC OUTLINE

NVC Outline Notes ~ Basic 2018        2024 outline below

Clarity & Connection

  1. Observation (what happened without interpretation)
  2. Feelings (what we feel inside, not a blame statement)
  3. Needs (values, qualities we want in our life)
  4. Requests (do-able in the moment ) (strategies: 10.000 to meet a need)

DO ALL THINGS TO MEET A NEED A way of seeing things that increases connection & compassion.

RELATIONSHIP between FEELINGS & NEEDS Needs met, needs unmet. Feelings a guide to needs.

REQUESTS vs DEMANDS Demand in disguise? 10.000 strategies to meet a need.

HEARING THE “YES” BEHIND THE NO Be willing to hear the “no”. Supportive of any others’ yes.

THE BENEFITS OF JUDGEMENTS Enjoying the judgement show – then connect to needs.

UNMET NEED VS BLAME Flip it over. Focus on needs vs good/bad, right/wrong

INCREASING COMPASSION On a scale of 1-10. Imagine their, and our, feelings and needs.

QUALITY OF CONNECTION When we sense caring, both matter… trust & generosity increased.

ANGER THE LIGHT ON THE DASHBOARD Being Angry vs Feeling Anger. Underlying feelings & needs?

SLOW IT DOWN Here it comes. Make a time.

Matching Intensity Getting that something is going on for them, that thinks impact us.

NEEDS – ASSERTIVE & MUTUAL Move away from passive or aggressive.

NEEDS LIST

Favorites? Needs met, not met. Longing to be met?

Any words missing?

FEELINGS LIST – familiar ones? What needs might be wanting to be met?

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NVC Outline Notes 2024
Nonviolent Communication or Compassionate Communication or Needs Awareness or Needs Lens !
Agenda: An Overview: Interest / Disclaimer / Goal of NVC, Exercises / Harvest – Wheel , Circle Chart, T.

Clarity & Connection

  1. Observation (or enter through Judgments, lol)
  2. Feelings
  3. Needs
  4. Requests do-able in the moment (and 10,000 Strategies to meet a need)

DO ALL THINGS TO MEET A NEED A way of seeing things that increases connection & compassion.
NEEDS LENS ~ NEEDS AWARENESS Not leaving anything behind.

NEEDS / STRATEGIES Strategies are the 10,000 possible ways to meet a need.

RELATIONSHIP between FEELINGS & NEEDS Needs met, needs unmet. Feelings a guide to needs.

WHAT ARE FEELINGS? Something we can feel inside, all by ourself . (not blame)

REQUESTS vs DEMANDS Demand in disguise? 10.000 strategies to meet a need.

HEARING THE “YES” BEHIND THE NO Be willing to hear the “no”. Supportive of any others’ yes.

THE BENEFITS OF JUDGEMENTS Enjoying the judgment show – then connect to needs.

JUDGEMENT Right/ Wrong, Should / Shouldn’t thinking vs Making discernment.

UNMET NEED VS BLAME Flip it over. Focus on needs vs good/bad, right/wrong

INCREASING COMPASSION Exercise On a scale of 1-10. Imagine our, then their, feelings and needs.

QUALITY OF CONNECTION When we sense caring, both matter… trust & generosity increased.

ANGER THE LIGHT ON THE DASHBOARD Being Angry vs Feeling Anger. Underlying feelings & needs?

SLOW IT DOWN Here it comes. Take some time, Make a time. Self Empathy.

Matching Intensity Getting that something is going on for them, that thinks impact us.

NEEDS – ASSERTIVE & MUTUAL Move away from passive or aggressive.

NEEDS LIST Favorites? Needs met, not met. Longing to be met? Any words missing?

FEELINGS LIST – familiar ones? What needs might be wanting to be met?

2021-8-24 Lisa Gotleib Listening and Speaking from the Heart https://www.lisagottlieb.com/about

What You Will Practice in this online course:

  • Gratitude: Appreciating your partner for things that they said or did that enriched your life in a way that is enjoyable for them to hear.
  • Honest Expression: Telling your partner about painful experiences you have had in the relationship in a way that makes it more likely they can hear you and be open to adjusting their behavior.
  • Non-judgmental Listening: Understanding what really matters to your partner — what they need in order to thrive in the relationship, and how you can support them in a way that also works for you.
  • Requests.  Sharing what you need and welcoming your partner’s proposals, as foundations for intimacy & positive changes.

Deanne Bednar:
I have been studying/practicing with the Compassion Course online with Thom Bond. Compassioncourse.org Here is a collection of some of my favorite NVC videos & Resources: Search “Strawbale Studio Compassion” or go to https://strawbalestudio.org/2017/01/02/compassionate-communication/.

Compassion Course EXERCISES:

Disclaimer: A Map, increases compassion and quality of connection. Leaves nothing behind.
Handout: Need list. Exercise 1. Read, harvest. Reflect on “amount of metness”. Small group. Harvest.
CONCEPT: Everything we do we do to meet a need. This increases compassion. Circle drawing. Layers, Judgements.
…. Seeing through the lens of Needs increases Compassion, Connection, Understanding, Needs Met for all.

Reflection on the Needs List
Check out the Needs List, and notice which resonate.
Which needs are well-met, which might you want more of?
Do alone, share with a partner or in a small group. Harvest in the larger group.

Reflection on the Feelings List
Feelings point toward “Needs met or not met”. (Feeling shift. Feelings are related to our “thinking”. )
What are the underlying needs?
Do alone, share with a partner or in a small group. Harvest in the larger group.

The Empathy Exercise ( The T.)
Pick a situation, or something someone said that is say 4 on a 10 scale.
At the top write the situation. Then explore our, then imagine their, feelings and needs.
Do alone, share with a partner or in a small group. Harvest in the larger group.

The Next Step could be generating ideas for Requests (doable and in the present) for action or connection, OR a list of Strategies.

Compassionate Communication

Posted on January 2, 2017 by Deanne Bednar

NONVIOLENT COMMUNICATION

Here are a few of my favorite ways to learn about a way of thinking and communicating called NVC which stands for Non-violent Communication.  This process, developed over the last 50 years by Marshall Rosenberg, is being evolved by many folks and is sometimes called  “compassionate communication”, “communication that connects” and “effective communication”.
Communication connects all life together, from the ecological to the social & political worlds. I believe this kind of communication is one of the most important skills we can learn.
Enjoy the practice, the challenge, the outcomes !   Warmly, Deanne

We Practice To

Be more compassionate with ourselves and others by increasing our awareness of our feelings and needs

Distinguish our actual observations from our story about what happened

Translate our judgmental thoughts into the underlying feelings and needs

Listen empathically

Receive “hard to hear” statements without taking it personally

Make Requests

Support our own values while honoring the needs of others

Connect with a sense of aliveness and appreciation

NVC Outline Notes ~ Basic 2018        2024 outline below

Clarity & Connection

  1. Observation (what happened without interpretation)
  2. Feelings (what we feel inside, not a blame statement)
  3. Needs (values, qualities we want in our life)
  4. Requests (do-able in the moment ) (strategies: 10.000 to meet a need)

DO ALL THINGS TO MEET A NEED A way of seeing things that increases connection & compassion.

RELATIONSHIP between FEELINGS & NEEDS Needs met, needs unmet. Feelings a guide to needs.

REQUESTS vs DEMANDS Demand in disguise? 10.000 strategies to meet a need.

HEARING THE “YES” BEHIND THE NO Be willing to hear the “no”. Supportive of any others’ yes.

THE BENEFITS OF JUDGEMENTS Enjoying the judgement show – then connect to needs.

UNMET NEED VS BLAME Flip it over. Focus on needs vs good/bad, right/wrong

INCREASING COMPASSION On a scale of 1-10. Imagine their, and our, feelings and needs.

QUALITY OF CONNECTION When we sense caring, both matter… trust & generosity increased.

ANGER THE LIGHT ON THE DASHBOARD Being Angry vs Feeling Anger. Underlying feelings & needs?

SLOW IT DOWN Here it comes. Make a time.

Matching Intensity Getting that something is going on for them, that thinks impact us.

NEEDS – ASSERTIVE & MUTUAL Move away from passive or aggressive.

NEEDS LIST

Favorites? Needs met, not met. Longing to be met?

Any words missing?

FEELINGS LIST – familiar ones? What needs might be wanting to be met?